Parents Stop Protecting Your Kids! Start Preparing Them.

My 4-year-old loves to do art projects, science “experiences” as she calls them, and baking in our kitchen. Maybe it’s the mixing, textures of ingredients, or getting to lick the beaters once the final product has successfully made its way into the oven. Her helping bake looks a little different every time.

In our first attempt at baking cookies well over a year ago, she was fascinated by me cracking the eggs on the side of the bowl, splitting the shell in half, and watching the yolk perfectly plunge into the batter. With outstretched arms, she desperately wanted to try to do it herself.

Any parent knows a toddler cracking an egg can go sideways in a split second but I bravely handed her a perfectly shaped white egg and she enthusiastically snatched it from my hand shouting, “No! I do it myself!”

I had no time to demonstrate how to do it again or even coach her in the finer steps of egg cracking. I desperately wanted to hold her hands gripping the egg so I could gently tap the outer shell to the rim of the bowl and pull the two pieces apart revealing its contents. But it just happened.

With one, maybe two quick whacks and a forceful squeeze, the egg shattered and the shell crumbled into the batter. My instinct was to beg as say, “Honey, pleeeeease let me help you next time!” But she was so happy! She did it all by herself as she promised.

I couldn’t take away that moment of wanting to try something new and not being afraid to fail.

So I let her try again as the recipe called for another egg.

This time it took four quick taps and a squeeze for the egg to fall out and yield another satisfied grin as the yolk dove into the batter.

She’s now 4.5 years old and without hesitation, I can confidently hand her a full carton of eggs so she can remove the number of eggs needed and successfully crack the eggs and leave no trace of toddler shells behind.

Our instinct as parents is to protect our kids. We even try to do things for them. For example, if your child receives a questionable bad grade in a class or on a project. A parent’s knee-jerk reaction is to assign blame to the teacher because there is no way little Johnny could have ever received an F. Their quick accusations often land on the principal’s desk and in the ears of the teacher who appropriately graded the students based on their lack of attendance and poor quality of work.

Instead, little Johnny’s parent missed an opportunity to empower their child to go talk to the teacher and practice a hard conversation by asking what factors led them to the failed grade reported and see if there was anything he could do to remedy a failed grade.

The reality is, that we need to do a better job of preparing our kids and trusting that even in failure, they are learning.

So what if you have to pick out a few eggshells from time to time?

The lesson learned is that somewhere between being an enthusiastic toddler excited to bake for the first time and a college graduate, kids today have become so dependent on their parents protecting them from failure that they have lost their ability and/or desire to:

• Try new things.

• Fail with enthusiasm.

• Cope with not being able to apply new information.

• Be coachable.

• Have hard in-person conversations.

If you’re a youth or travel ball coach, it’s not too late to try and educate and coach your parents on preparing their son or daughter for life.

If they are not starting, it’s not your job as a parent to change teams and reposition them in a different environment so they see more playing time. It is your job to encourage them to ask questions directly to the coach, learn from feedback, and apply the information given. That’s called being coachable.

Maybe you have to live with the “F” in the short term, but perhaps you both learned that attendance is mandatory to understand and apply the materials being taught.

As adults, we can’t be afraid to fail either. Often our value as a parent is weighed and measured by the success (or playing time) of our own kid.

If the cookies that day didn’t turn out because there was one too many eggs, it was really going to be ok. We’d just try again and get it right the next time.

Life is full of imperfection and getting it wrong. Prepare and see the childish wonder of cracking an egg for the first time and stop trying to protect your child from the disappointment of failure or sitting the bench.

Parents need coaching too. Here are a few tips on how you can implement and empower your parents on your team:

1. Develop a Parent Code of Conduct. This should include expected behavior on game day, playing time expectations, verbal treatment of umpires, 48-hour complaining rule, etc.

2. Hold parents accountable to the code. Have a system in place that you are transparent about at the beginning of the season and even in front of any tournaments. ie, first offense for inappropriate/negative behavior in the stands is a warning, the second that the parent is asked to not attend a game, and the third offense, the player is off the team.

3. Playing time can only be discussed between the player and coach; depending on the age level, a parent could be present to listen and learn.

4. Keep parents informed. The more informed they feel, the less likely they will draw their own, often negative, conclusions. ie, First 3 games in pool play we are playing everyone equally and when we enter bracket play, we will play to win with the best 9-10.

5. Do your due diligence on parents when accepting new players into the program. Often the first place a coach will see a red flag is through a parent’s behavior on social media. Are they generally positive, do they promote the success of the team or just their child, and is there anything inappropriate?

6. Complement and praise parents when their behavior is what is expected! Parents are people too and behaviors tend to be repeated when they are acknowledged and celebrated.

Want more tips? Are you a travel ball coach looking to navigate the unsettling waters of parental involvement and expectations? Reach out and we can help. Find us at www.softbclimate.com for more information or reach out to Coach Jill at [email protected].

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